K Is For Kimbo

So looking up K words I came across Kimbo—which is a noun AND my nickname so it was an easy pick! 

Kimbo – Adj. bent, or crooked and twisted.

Bent or twisted is a pretty good description of my life.

And the thing is, when you’re Kimbo, life isn’t always easy.

See, when you’re Kimbo the things that you find funny aren’t necessarily the things that other people find funny. Like about 10 years ago when I was still single and out with my friend  Eric and his partner Paris. We went to this bar in a neighborhood where Paris was once mugged. This might make some people nervous. Others—like Eric and I—feel the appropriate response is to leap from the car and make an exaggerated dash for the door of the bar while pretending  to avoid a mugging.

Then, if you’re Kimbo, you think it would be even funnier to jump over the curb like a Ninja. And, little known fact. Kimbos make excellent leapers (OLYMPIC QUALITY LEAPING IS WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!) and I soared over the sidewalk like a super hero only to land awkwardly on the gap between the sidewalk & the grass. And then, when you’re Kimbo your ankle rolls, the ligaments stretch, strain, tear slightly,  and snap back like a rubber band. Which, of course cracks your ankle bone.

In the version I shared with my colleagues, I sensibly went home and iced the ankle until deciding to go the ER in the morning.

In the version that more closely resembles the truth, I decided that no one is seriously injured in a little ankle roll (this in spite of the fact that I was ready to puke from the pain) and self-prescribed several glasses of vodka and 7 Up then limped around to 2 different bars and Steak and Shake before calling it a night.

The next morning my ankle was roughly the size of a softball.

So, if you’re Kimbo, you wake your friend Kelly, head to the ER, get yelled at  by the nurse for chewing bubble gum too loudly, get a splint and come home with instructions to stay off the foot as much as possible.

Luckily, if you’re Kimbo, you immediately call your friends and get countless offers of aid and assistance and your weird neighbor even brings over a cane because the doctor at the ER is no orthopedist (you have to see him later in the week) and you were not issued crutches.

Unfortunately, if you’re Kimbo, your dog sees any combination of cotton and polyester as a chew toy and spends the day lunging at your foot when you least expect it.

Again, It’s not easy being Kimbo, make no mistake.