So, I’ve decided I may have to change my position on gay marriage. Not because of any moral, ethical, or legal dilemmas but because I’ve just come face to face with the horrifying decisions made in a male-dominated household.
Here’s what happened:
I got on Facebook yesterday morning and immediately noticed a picture that my
friend Eric’s partner posted—a picture of Eric’s hands all lumpy and one swollen
to almost to twice its normal size. Swollen into a great big Donald Duck
I contacted him immediately and demanded to know what had happened. And he
told me that while working in the yard he had inadvertently disturbed a yellow
jacket nest. The bees, of course, swarmed and attacked—chasing him over 400
yards and stinging him almost a dozen times. “It hurts,” he reported
I asked what any right-thinking woman would ask, “What did the doctor
Long pause. Then, “Do you think I should go to the doctor?”
I managed not to scream “Yes, you idiot, get to the doctor immediately!” and
said, “Well, if your hands are still as swollen as they were in the picture,
Which is when he allowed that it was difficult to tell how swollen his hand
was because his forearm had started to enlarge as well.
It took all my self-restraint not to jump in the car, drive to St. Louis,
and put him out of his misery by beating him to death. “Call your doctor!” I
So he did…and the doctor told him to go to the emergency room. But did he?
“I’m not going to the emergency room for a bee sting,” he said.
And you know what? My husband, Opie, chose that moment to take Eric’s side.
“I’ve had bee stings,” he said. “He’ll be fine.”
Which pretty much sums up the difference between men and women. Women look
at an injury that can only be described with comparisons to cartoon characters
and realize medical attention is a good bet. Men look at the same injury and
think “I bet a picture of this would get a lot of hits on Facebook.”
Thus, I have decided I need to take a new stance on gay marriage…I believe in
freedom and love and equal rights for all but I also feel an overwhelming need
to save Eric from himself.