The Great Cupcake Search -- Kupcakz Red Velvet

Remember when I said I wasn't willing to die in my pursuit of a perfect cupcake? Well, who knew how close I would actually come?!

Here's what happened: My friend,  Carrie, recommended a new cupcakery for me to try, a little place called Kupcakz, Tulsa's Original Cupcake Bakery. And, even considering my directional issues, it was amazingly easy to find. And amazingly hard to get out of since there are approximately 6,734  streets currently under construction in Tulsa. I crept out sllllooooooowwwwwlllly into the construction zone, got a little overconfident and started progressing even faster and WHOOSH! this crazy woman flew into my lane like she'd been shot from a gun.

If it weren't for my ninja moves and cat-like quickness, I'd have been a broken puddle of Kimbo splashed all over the streets of Tulsa.

Luckily I slammed on the brakes just in time, missed her by inches...but then the container with my red velvet cupcake flew off the seat, smacked into the dashboard and fell on the floor.

At which point I loudly suggested that the woman, the construction, and all the other cars in Tulsa should engage in a few activities that aren't all anatomically possible.

(Opie would like to take this moment to interject that he doesn't think sole blame lies with the construction or the other driver. Instead he faults "that deathtrap matchbox car" and is muttering something like "Probably didn't even see you! Stupid car!" But I choose to ignore those kind of comments as they are clearly unsupportive. Besides, I love my car.)

Anyway, I was positive the cupcake would be a mess...but I have to give Kupcakz' packaging 2 enthusiastic thumbs up! You could hardly even tell the poor little thing had been through a near-death experience:

See? Only slightly smooshed on one side!

And then I got a little worried that maybe it escaped unscathed because the frosting was some sort of rock-hard solid sugar block.

It wasn't.

It was AMAZING.

Instead of traditional cream cheese frosting, Kupcakz uses mascarpone which adds just the tiniest bit more sour tang to complement the sweetness of the sugar.

"That's awesome!"  Opie said. "The cake's ok but the frosting--"

"Amazing!" I interrupted. "Seriously, I could eat a bucket of it!"

And I probably would have gone on and on and on about the utter perfection of the mascarpone cream cheese heaven but that's when tragedy struck.

See I eat my cupcakes in a very precise order. I eat the stump first to get any extraneous cake out of the way. Then I eat the top in a clockwise motion, around and around, until there is finally one glorious bite with the perfect frosting/cake ratio. Which is, for the uninitiated, 90% frosting and about 10% cake.

So there I was with the perfect bite speared on my fork, raising it ever so gently to my mouth when God or Fate or the devil reached out an angry hand and intervened.

And somehow that perfect bite went tumbling...not to the floor, which would've been bad enough, but right on top of Bubba's head.

This is Bubba, prior to the unfortunate cupcaking.

It's important to note here that I am a complete germaphobe.  I consider double-dipping a crime punishable by death and I would almost rather stab something in my eye than share a glass with another person. 

But even with all that crazy going on, I looked at that delicious dollop of dessert on Bubba's head and for one Instant thought "five second rule."

But only for an instant.

Then I screamed "NOOOOO!" like I'd just been set on fire.

"I'll still eat it," Opie offered.

"You will not!" I snapped, scooping it up and marching to the trash can.

Because A. We're not savages!

and (more importantly)

B. Even though I try to be kind and compassionate and unselfish and put others before myself, I really I think God himself understands the "If I can't have it, no one can." rule when it comes to mascarpone cream cheese frosting.

Final verdict:
Cake: Very good
Price: Average ($2.50)
Size: Average
Frosting: Amazing...and almost good enough to eat off a dog's head.

Stay tuned for future installments or let me know if there's a cupcakery you recommend by clicking here. Or read the post that started it all: The Great Cupcake Search.