Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Drive By Boot Theft

Life In Oklahoma...it gets a little weirder every day!

Like today when I went up to the local farm and home supply and noticed a woman walking into the store in front of me wearing long shorts and flip-flops.

Which I, of course, thought was a little bit completely insane because it's 32° out today.
But I was wrong!

The woman wasn’t insane after all—she was a criminal mastermind!
See, as I went to the back of the store to get a huge bag of birdseed, she flip-flopped her way over to the men's department, grabbed a pair of expensive cowboy boots, slipped them on and hobbled for the door.

“Ma’am!” The clerks called.  “Excuse me, ma’am, you need to come back here!”
(It is interesting to note that I’m pretty sure back in St. Louis no one would have said “excuse me” or called her ma’am.  The clerks would have tackled this thief to the ground and wrestled the boots off her feet—all the while screaming profanity. People here in Oklahoma are just so stinking polite!)

Anyway, the clerks did start moving before she got all the way to the parking lot but, like I said, this woman was a criminal mastermind. The clerks ran after her, she hobbled even faster, a van screeched up, and she flung herself inside.
Clean getaway!

And because I’m NOT a criminal mastermind, I allowed as how I thought this was a rather odd thing to steal.  “Why would she want men’s boots?” I wondered out loud.
“They’re our most expensive pair,” one clerk told me. “She’ll probably take them to another store and try to return them.”

“Or sell them,” another clerk predicted darkly.
I had no idea there was such a murky cowboy boot underworld here in my fair city! Live and learn, people, live and learn.

If I had known, perhaps I would have paid closer attention but I had been so focused on her ridiculous outfit that I seriously couldn’t pick that woman out of a two-woman lineup. But, I am pleased to report that police response time was lightning fast! By the time I walked out to my car not one, but TWO police cars were pulling into the parking lot to investigate the drive-by boot theft.
Because that, my friends, is what passes for criminal intrigue in small town Oklahoma!

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