Weight Loss Plan or Murder Plot?

Opie and I are trying to lose weight.

By which I, of course, mean that Opie IS losing weight because of  dedication that is MIND BOGGLING in its intensity. Meanwhile, I am TRYING to lose weight in a fashion kindly described as “haphazard.”

This is almost as bad as the time when my mom and I tried to lose weight together and she would do things like eat 3 M&Ms. “That’s all you need,” she insisted. “Then you get the taste of chocolate and feel satisfied.”

Which is a little bit COMPLETELY INSANE.

I mean, sure I eat 3 M&Ms…when there’s only 3 M&Ms left.

That’s when I eat 3 M&Ms…and the whole time I complain to myself about the idiot who left 3 M&Ms in the bag.  And then I put M&Ms on the grocery list…but really tiny on the bottom because, after all, Opie and I are trying to lose weight.

To be fair, Opie doesn’t have 3 M&Ms will power.  It’s his dedication to exercise that’s frightening.

“We need to work out,” he said a few weeks ago.  “Do you want to ride bikes?”

“It’s 105 degrees outside,” I counter. “If we ride bikes in this kind of heat, I might actually BURST INTO FLAME.”

“Just walk then?” He asks.  “We could do the 3 mile loop through the park.”

At which point I came to the sad realization that it’s entirely possible that this isn’t a weight loss plan at all but an insidious plot to kill me.

Tonight, since it’s cooler out, we decided to start the C25K program…which, in a nutshell, is supposed to get us running 5K in 8 weeks.­­ We started with the warm up.

That was fine.

Then we started the real program.  Run for 1 minute, walk for 90 seconds, then run for another minute…then back and forth until you’re at the point when your heart is about to burst from your chest. “This is great,” Opie said enthusiastically.

“Great,” I agreed…hugging a tree not because I’m a hippie environmentalist (though I am) but because it was the only way I could manage to stand up.

In any case, I suspect that this weight loss journey is going to be fraught with drama…stay tuned.