Opie and I are trying to lose weight.
By which I, of course, mean that Opie IS losing weight
because of dedication that is MIND
BOGGLING in its intensity. Meanwhile, I am TRYING to lose weight in a fashion
kindly described as “haphazard.”
This is almost as bad as the time when my mom and I tried to
lose weight together and she would do things like eat 3 M&Ms. “That’s all
you need,” she insisted. “Then you get the taste of chocolate and feel
satisfied.”
Which is a little bit COMPLETELY INSANE.
I mean, sure I eat 3 M&Ms…when there’s only 3 M&Ms
left.
That’s when I eat 3 M&Ms…and the whole time I complain
to myself about the idiot who left 3 M&Ms in the bag. And then I put M&Ms on the grocery list…but
really tiny on the bottom because, after all, Opie and I are trying to lose
weight.
To be fair, Opie doesn’t have 3 M&Ms will power. It’s his dedication to exercise that’s
frightening.
“We need to work out,” he said a few weeks ago. “Do you want to ride bikes?”
“It’s 105 degrees outside,” I counter. “If we ride bikes in
this kind of heat, I might actually BURST INTO FLAME.”
“Just walk then?” He asks.
“We could do the 3 mile loop through the park.”
At which point I came to the sad realization that it’s
entirely possible that this isn’t a weight loss plan at all but an insidious
plot to kill me.
Tonight, since it’s cooler out, we decided to start the C25K
program…which, in a nutshell, is supposed to get us running 5K in 8 weeks. We
started with the warm up.
That was fine.
Then we started the real program. Run for 1 minute, walk for 90 seconds, then
run for another minute…then back and forth until you’re at the point when your
heart is about to burst from your chest. “This is great,” Opie said enthusiastically.
“Great,” I agreed…hugging a tree not because I’m a hippie
environmentalist (though I am) but because it was the only way I could manage
to stand up.
In any case, I suspect that this weight loss journey is
going to be fraught with drama…stay tuned.
