National Cheese Lover's Day

Yesterday was National Cheese Lovers’ Day…which is another day that astounds me because, like Dress Your Pets Day, I can’t believe that we need a whole separate day for this. It’s like when you’re a little kid and you ask your parents why there’s a Mother’s Day and Father’s Day but no Children’s Day. And they say “Every day is children’s day.”

Every day is Cheese Lovers’ Day.

Which makes it really hard to find a way to celebrate – how to take the fabulous deliciousness that is every day cheese and somehow elevate it to celebratory levels?

My first thought was to ask Opie what kind of new and exciting cheese he’d like to try. Then I remembered the last time we were having a serious discussion about cheese. (No, we don’t have frequent conversations about cheese. I mean, yeah, we’re turophiles but we’re not complete freaks about it…we were watching a cooking show and it came up). Anyway, we were talking about cheese and he said he’s always wanted to try head cheese.

HEAD CHEESE?!?!

Which is, I’m horrified to report while holding back vomit, cheese that is actually made from the head of a pig.

It was at this exact moment that Opie was banned from any and all cheese choosing decisions.

Then it hit me:

We have the perfect Celebratory Cheese Accessory: A fondue set!

What’s more fun than fondue? More importantly, how long has our fondue set been hogging up space in the closet without ever being used?

Seven-and-a-half-years, that’s how long!

Clearly it was far past time to put that thing to work!

It was also probably far past time to read the instructions but that has never been my strong suit. Of course in my defense, it wasn’t National Instruction Reading Day.

Anyway, if I had read the instructions, I would have realized that there is some special, fancy-schmancy, fondue fuel that you’re supposed to use in the burner so the pot gets hot enough to melt the cheese. Which means I wouldn’t have had to use a freaking candle to attempt to heat the fondue pot. Which, in turn, means Opie wouldn’t have to stare at it skeptically and demand “Is that going to work?” And I wouldn’t have had to get all defensive and insist that this was a perfectly acceptable substitute source of heat.

But, most importantly, I wouldn’t have had to later admit that Opie was right and the candle really wasn’t a perfectly acceptable substitute source of heat. And I wouldn’t have had to pretend that it was normal to get the fondue ready on the stovetop then dump it unceremoniously into the fondue pot and count on the candle to keep it warm.

Which also didn’t really work.

But we ate it with bread, charcuterie and crudité…mostly because I really like to say charcuterie and crudité. And it honestly tasted pretty good.

 I mean, yes, it was a little challenging to dip things into the pot without them falling apart…And, yes, I did think about germs and watched to make sure Opie wasn’t sticking the fondue fork into his mouth and then dipping it back in the pot. And, yes, there was a pretty narrow window between “so hot it scorches the top of your mouth” and “hardening into chunks of cheese because this candle is flipping useless” but it was a tasty window. And that’s what’s important on National Cheese Lover’s Day.

Plus, we had lots of wine to help wash it down.

Anyway, in honor of this fabulous day, I’d love to share my fondue recipe (which can be made in a fondue pot OR on the stovetop and dumped into the fondue pot!) but here’s the thing about recipes: I’m not actually that good at following them. And, unlike English Toffee Day, I didn’t have a handy-dandy precise one written by my mom. Instead, I looked up a bunch of fondue recipes online, put a couple of them together, didn’t exactly measure, and cooked it until I thought it looked ready.  So, it probably won’t help much, but here’s my “recipe.”

White Wine (some, maybe a cup? Maybe more, who measures wine?!)

Swiss Cheese (lots – at least 8 oz)

Smoked Gouda (lots – at least 8 oz)

Nutmeg (pinch)

Pepper (dash)

Garlic powder (dash)

Corn Starch (honestly, no clue. I put in a pinch every time I added a handful of cheese to keep it from clumping)

Heat wine first until it is simmering and slightly bubbling. Shred cheese while wine is heating then fling into pot with reckless abandon, stirring constantly and adding pinches of cornstarch, until it’s the texture and consistency you like. Add nutmeg, pepper, garlic powder and other spices until you like the taste.

Serve with sliced vegetables but for the love of heaven call them crudité!

Happy National Cheese Lovers’ Day everyone!