I work in social media, monitoring children's websites, therefore it is vitally important for me to keep my finger on the pulse of online trends.
This is why I am forced to send my friends inappropriate emojis, 💩, text versions of breasts (•) (•) and inundate them with the latest internet slang (smh at your salt!)
Not because I want to, but because that's my job.
This is also why I was forced, completely against my will, to download Pokemon Go.
"I need to know what it's about," I told Opie. "Kids are talking about it online and I can't figure out if they're talking about the game, trying to plan a real life meet up or what."
"Really?" He asked skeptically. "And that's why you wander around the neighborhood muttering to yourself about Pokestops and Pokeballs and pidgeys? Because it's your job? It has nothing to do with the fact that you're obsessed with a game for nine-year olds?"
"It's my job!" I insisted.
Swayed by the brilliance of my argument and in the spirit of worker solidarity, he downloaded the game too.
And I am sad to report that Opie is currently obsessed with a game for nine year olds.
But we are not like the players who are out there giving everyone else a bad rep. We aren't so engrossed in our phones that we wander into traffic, we haven't Pokemoned our way through a mine field, and if it's raining, we don't wrap our phones in plastic bags and brave the elements just to catch a few more.
Wait, we did do that last one...but only bc we were on the trail of a particularly elusive Pokemon.
So now the question is, which of us is the biggest nerd? Opie insists that his study of strategy is not nerd like but merely a sign of how much he's willing to sacrifice his time and energy to help me.
I maintain that my ability to surreptitiously check the app beneath the table or while it's in my purse --reminiscent of texting teenagers everywhere-- shows both creative thinking and manual dexterity.
Hmmmm, on second thought, maybe it's a tie.