You know what’s more upsetting than coming out to your newly planted garden and realizing that squirrels or other vermin are chomping it down to the roots?
When your loveable, over-loyal dog decides that he should
fix this situation by indulging in wholesale squirrel slaughter.
It’s even worse when your loveable, over-loyal dog decides to
shield you from his wholesale squirrel slaughter by burying the evidence in the
aforementioned garden.
That’s right. Bubba
killed ANOTHER squirrel and buried it in the garden.
Which I didn’t realize until I was out weeding and I hit
the squirrel with the tiller.
And if you think that was upsetting
for me, imagine how poor Opie felt when I ran into the house screaming.
Apparently, shrieks about murder and death and bodies in the
garden do not make for a peaceful morning.
It is interesting to note that following this up with the instruction
“Check the tiller for blood!” is not the best way to ease the tension.
In any case, you would think that this would be enough
squirrel slaughter for one week but noooooooo!
Today, Bubba got another one.
He didn’t bury this one in the garden, though, probably because
I caught him while he was still deep in the “dead things make the best toys”
phase and happened upon him while he was still running around the yard,
flinging it in the air.
I did NOT take this well.
I also didn’t take it well when
Bubba saw me and decided that I, too, would love nothing more than gallivanting
around the yard with a dead squirrel and he came charging up to the porch to
share his prize with me.
I won’t detail my inappropriate
language and reaction to this situation but suffice it to say that it is
something of a miracle that the neighbors didn’t call the police.
Oddly, though, when I finally got
Bub to drop the squirrel and come in the house then texted Opie at work about
what should obviously be considered an emergency, he did NOT offer to come home
and immediately begin carcass removal.
Seriously, some people are so
self-involved.
Luckily, there was just enough vodka in the freezer to get
me through the intervening hours.
So, to recap, Bubba is a serial squirderer, Opie doesn’t
understand what constitutes a real emergency, and vodka is awesome.
Wanted for Serial Squirder
I can barely type, I'm laughing so hard. Bubba, the Serial Squirderer.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I wish I lived near you.
It's never boring, I can tell you that!
DeleteHilarious. My dogs haven't gotten any squirrels yet. We get chipmunks, groundhogs, and occasionally deer parts...ugh. Yesterday was a bloody antler. I don't know what happened to the rest of the deer. I haven't found any buried bodies either.
ReplyDeleteI hear that squirrels make good fertilizer, though ;-)
Oh dear, a bloody antler would be awful!
Delete