Monday, July 8, 2013

Hypochondria...Or, Why Kimberly Shouldn't Be Allowed Near WebMD


Yesterday, I noticed a lump on my foot.

That’s right, my foot.

I have a small, painful lump on the bottom of my left foot…a small round white spot with a dark dot in the middle.  And, after careful internet research, I have decided it’s one of two things:

1.       A plantar wart

2.       A splinter

The only way to be sure is to wait awhile and see if the spot changes at all.

If it’s a plantar wart, according to the pictures I have spent most of the morning nearly puking over, it will spread across my foot in what WebMD calls a “mosaic” and I call leperous patches, turning my foot into a twisted, gruesome shadow of its former self.   

If it’s a splinter, it will undoubtedly get driven deeper and deeper into my skin with every step I take, eventually reaching my bloodstream, festering and rotting and spreading gangrene, again turning my foot into a twisted, gruesome shadow of its former self.

And this, my friends, is what hypochondria looks like.

2 comments:

  1. Sounds like a plantar wart. I had one once. Compound W makes this little stickers that get rid of them. They take FOREVER, but they work.

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  2. Yep. Sounds like a wart. My son has one on his knee. I'm going to try those Compound W stickers.

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