Thursday, June 20, 2013

Some Things You Shouldn't Have To Be Told Not To Lick

Ok, this probably sounds like the start to some weird porno blog but I swear it’s not.  I just can’t stop thinking about the news article I read the other day about a warning issued by a group of doctors in Japan.  A warning about the dangers of eyeball licking.

Eyeball. Licking.

Apparently, because there are so many nerve endings in the eye, this is supposed to be some sort of intense physically stimulating experience, almost erotic.

And I don’t mean to judge (at least I don’t like other people to know I’m judgmental!), but I think that’s a little bizarre. I know I have a weird thing about eyeballs but if Opie snuggled up really close to me, took me in his arms, and whispered “Baby, I wanna lick your eyeball.” I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or throw up. Or just run screaming from the room.

But I assure you, this would not be the prelude to a romantic encounter.

In any case, the thing that really throws me about this is that doctors in the Japan and now the US have issued a warning about it.  Not just because it’s dangerous and disgusting—it is! But also because there are alarming amount of people running around sticking their tongues in other people’s eyes…enough that they felt it was in the public’s best interest to issue a warning.

Which leads me to the same questions that I had when I heard about the cane toad licking problem sweeping the nation a few years ago.

1.       Who was the first person to actually try this?

2.       How did they get other people to join in?

I mean, just as I don’t understand who looks at this:
And says “Hmmmm, I wonder if that slimy stuff on his head will get me high?”

 I don’t understand who looks at this:


 And says “Hmmm, I bet sticking my tongue on that would feel good.”

But even allowing that some people are a little nuts and might be willing to try just about anything, how do you convince others that it’s awesome?  “Come on, let me lick your eye.  You’ll like it!” is peer pressure that just shouldn’t work on anyone.

So, any eyelickers out there?  I'm willing to hear your side!


  1. Ewww just thinking about it gave me the chills!

  2. OMG hilarious! also worth noting, I can't believe I have to say, more than ONCE even, "do not spit on the floor!"