My in-laws are getting a new guest bed. Which on the surface probably doesn't seem like that big of a deal or that interesting of a topic, not even when I add in the other essential bit of information: I am an excellent sleeper.
In fact most people probably think they've already figured out the tie between these two pieces of information and think that this is really the dullest story ever.
That feeling is probably not at all alleviated by the addition of the following information: Opie is a terrible sleeper. He has insomnia, he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Often during these bouts of sleeplessness, he starts conversations with me and I freely respond and take part in these conversations even though I'm not actually awake. Sometimes I don't wake up at all. Sometimes I wake up about four lines into the conversation and I basically have no idea what is going on at all.
It is a combination of these events that led to a little something I like to call the dumbest fight ever.
Though in my defense I'd just like to say Opie started it.
Here's what happened:
"So, I guess my parents are going to an go ahead and get that bed," Opie said early one morning.
"What bed?" I asked finally waking up.
"For the guestroom." Then he spoke really slowly and carefully you know, like I was an idiot not like I'd been sleeping for the last five or six hours "The room you sleep in sometimes?"
It's important to note here that often when one of us is sick or Opie is snoring exceptionally loudly, I go in and sleep in our guestroom.
Which is when I realized that he and his parents had been conspiring behind my back and were replacing my guestbed--a bed I had before we were even married--without so much as asking me.
I should further note that my in-laws are not the type of people who normally go around foisting new furniture upon us but again it was about 4:30 in the morning.
And, if Opie were going to try to pull a fast one, this would be the perfect time to do so as he could legitimately say "We talked about it."
In any case, although I'm slow to wake up, I can be rather quick to anger… Even more so early in the morning.
I think it's safe to say, I was more than a little incensed.
"We're not getting rid of that bed!" I snapped. "That mattress is practically brand-new and I've had that bedroom set forever. I love it so no one is just replacing it."
"I think they already bought the new one," he said obviously confused.
And then I pictured his parents visiting and happily bringing us a new bed and taking down my old bed, the bed that I love and I was quite frankly insane with rage.
Fine, I thought to myself. We'll take the stupid bed and we'll put it up when they visit and take it down when they leave and put my bed back up. And I don't mean we, I mean he. Opie, OPIE will put together and dismantle beds when his parents visit and he better not say one word about it because this is ALL HIS FAULT!
"Well it's going to be a lot of work for you!" I huffed.
"I even know what you're talking about," he said. "Why are you getting so mad?"
Which, of course, only made me angrier. "Because all of you made this decision without me!" I shouted. "I don't understand how you think can just replace the furniture WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!"
"I don't understand why it's any of your business if my parents replaced their guestroom furniture!" He shouted back.
"My parents can replace their furniture if they want," he repeated. "Just because you sleep in that room twice a year doesn't mean you own it."
And thus ended the dumbest argument we've ever had.