Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Creative License

I finally have an Oklahoma driver’s license!! I got it about 2 weeks ago with just a few hiccups:
1. Like the fact that as I was, once again, waiting in the lobby of the Department of Public Safety this seemingly normal guy came over, sat down next to me, said hello and then carefully explained that everything is unhealthy these days…in fact, the only metal that is really good for you is BRASS but your body can’t digest it.
I have to be honest, it was a little difficult to toss back that particular conversational ball.
2. Or the fact that the state of Oklahoma now requires a digital scan of the fingerprints of both index fingers before allowing you to get your release from the Department of Public Safety…which doesn’t seem like a challenge except for the fact that I am now wearing my fingernails at a length best described as “trailer-trash hoosier” and the machine kept misreading. 
3. Or the fact that, although as a new resident you have to go to the Department of Public Safety with 64 different forms of ID to get the release to get your license, you can’t actually acquire your license at the aforementioned department. You have to go to a “tag agency” to get that. And, when I looked at the woman in confusion, she assured me “Don’t worry, honey, you can just run down to the East Side to get what you need.”
At which point, because I’m still thinking like a St. Louisan, I’m sure I changed from confused to horrified because the words “East Side” conjures up images of strippers, drug deals, and murder. And I don't need any of that.
But when I did brave the short journey down to the East Side Tag Office, it was noticeably lacking in strippers, drug dealers, or murderers…and I did get my license there after another five minute struggle with my ridiculous nails and the fingerprint machine.
And if you think this is the end of the adventures, keep in mind that Opie and I are, once again, bringing all the animals home with us…I'm no psychic but I sense drama in our future.
Which is a rough segue to my final note: if you didn’t get a Christmas card from Opie and I this year, do not feel slighted and furiously cross us off your list. NO ONE got a Christmas card from us this year. I mean, for the love of heaven, it took me FIVE MONTHS to get basic driving privileges and that’s something I need every day. Christmas comes once a year and it kind of snuck up on us…we still have 2 presents to buy…and by we I, of course, mean ME….we’ll do better next year…

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