National Cat Day

Today is National Cat Day and in honor of that I thought I'd share a valuable lesson about the difference between dogs and cats that I recently learned.

Here's what happened:

I went out of town for a few days last week to watch my nephew play football and visit with my family.

However, the animals had very different reactions to my return home.  I walked in the door and the dogs went, in a word, bonkers.  They were running around, jumping up and down and barking out a veritable litany of joy. Which, thanks to my amazing animal communication skills, I can translate here:

"You're home! You're home! You're home!" Bubba shouted. "You left and then you came back and this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to any dog EVER!"

"You're home!" Sassy agreed. "You're home and we should celebrate! With treats! And belly rubs! TREATS AND BELLY RUBS FOR EVERYONE!"

Pipsqueak Meow, though, was much more restrained. He meandered over to see what all the fuss was about then deliberately turned his back and sauntered into the bedroom. "I didn't even realize you were gone," he said.

He continued to ignore me for the rest of the afternoon, until we sat down to watch a little television.  Then he ran out, flung himself on Opie and began a litany of his own.

"Do you know who I love? THIS GUY! I love him with a love that's more than love! I love sitting on his lap, I love rubbing against his face. I love him! And you know why? Because he never leaves, that's why."

"He leaves to go to work every day," I pointed out.

But Pipsqueak Meow is the Earl Landgrene of cats: He doesn't want anyone to confuse him with the facts.

"I love him," he continued. "He is not a leaver. He is not an abandoner of kitties. He doesn't disappear without permission or explanation for days at a time. He stays where he is supposed to be and I LOVE HIM FOR IT!"

"I thought you didn't even realize I was gone."

"NO ONE'S TALKING TO YOU, FOOD LADY!" He yelled.

For the rest of the night, he would take occasional breaks from showering Opie with love to come over and sit near me on the couch but I'm pretty sure that was just so he could continue to give me "the cold paw." By which I mean he would  sit a few feet away, close enough that I could pet him but no so close that anyone would confuse what was happening with kitty cuddling.

But he saved the big guns until two in the morning when he decided to once again illustrate his displeasure by deliberately stomping across my face.

"Oh, so sorry," he said when I jerked awake and shoved him off. "I didn't realize anyone was using this pillow; it's been empty for days."

"Get off me, you ridiculous cat!"

"Question: are you at all interested in seeing a trick I learned in the last few days?"

"Does the trick involve SLEEPING? Because it's TWO IN THE MORNING!"

And he allowed that the trick would, in fact, work better if I was sleeping.  "Just relax," he said soothingly, jumping off the bed.  "Close your eyes...Pay no attention to the cat on the floor...Pay not attention to the cat under the bed."

This must have lulled me into a sense of false security and (or maybe just because it was TWO IN THE MORNING!!) I started to fall back asleep.

Which is when Pipsqueak bellycrawled to the foot of the bed like a Ninja kitty, clawed his way up the bedskirt, managed to wriggle under the cover and POUNCED on my feet in whirlwind of claws, teeth and ferocious meows.

What followed was a similar whirlwind of shouts, cursing, sprays of water and flung blankets...and more Ninja kitty moves as he flung himself off the bed and raced over to the top of the dog crate in the corner.

"I don't suppose you'd believe there was a monster under the covers?" Pip asked.

"You are a lying liar of a cat!"

"I saved your life."

"You're a ridiculous, lying liar of a cat and if you ever do that again, I'm going to freaking lose it, do you understand me?"

"You're welcome."

Still muttering angrily, I flopped back down and tried to go back to sleep, bracing myself for another onslaught of feline foolishness. But, as always, he seemed to sense my breaking point. He trotted back over, jumped into bed and snuggled next to Sassy and me, purring contentedly.

"Just promise you'll never leave again," he said.

And I still don't know how to break it to him that we're going on vacation soon!