The Power of Positive Thinking -- I Hope!

So here’s something you may already have realized about me: I’m a little weird about my dogs.

Maybe this is because Opie and I weren’t able to have children. Maybe it’s because I work from home and I spend more time with them than with people.  Or maybe it’s because I have somehow been blessed with creatures that aren’t really animals but special, possibly human, souls trapped in canine bodies who need unlimited love and dedication to reach their full potential.

It’s really hard to say.  

My point is, I’m a little weird about my dogs.

 This has, upon occasion, caused a few  problems with the neighbors who also have dogs... but who seem to believe these are “pets” that live outdoors not “cherished members of the family with more personality than most people I know.”

The situation has not been helped by the fact it’s pretty volatile over there at the neighbors' house. When I first moved in, it was: the woman who owns the house (let's call her D), her mother, her daughter, the daughter’s five children, and occasionally the daughter’s boyfriend. Then one of the five kids got pregnant, had a baby and her boyfriend moved in for a bit.  Through the years, there’s been a lot of moving in and out, a frequent police presence, another baby, one death (the elderly great-grandma), and a variety of drama. 

Finally, the daughter and 3 of her kids moved out, the girl who had gotten pregnant moved back in bringing her husband and their 2 kiddos and things calmed down immensely—they began fixing up the house and yard and the police have only been over there once in the last 2 years.

The only problem is,  the girl and her husband (I’ll call them  A&B) brought their two monster pit bull mixes with them...and they couldn’t have them in the house because their two dogs didn’t get along with the dog that already lives there – this monster sized Bull Mastiff named Lola. AKA The Reason We Built A Privacy Fence Around Our Yard In The First Place. (You can read about that little adventure here)

I hate these two new dogs with the fire of 1000 Suns.  They’re ALWAYS outside(unless it’s crazy cold), they bark all the time, if I go near the fence to weed the flowerbeds or work on the landscaping or anything, they go crazy and charge into it smashing their huge pitbull bodies up against our fence.

And they hate Sassy.

Plus, I’m pretty sure they think she’s food.

Sassy, of course, does not believe she’s food.

She also doesn’t believe she’s a dog… she’s pretty convinced she is 7 1/2 pounds of fur-covered steel and she’s sure she could take both those mongrels with one paw tied behind her back.

This is her vicious face -- pretty scary, right?!

So when we go out in the yard, she starts barking at them, they bark at her and start flinging themselves against the fence even more, hoping to knock it down and eat her. Unfazed, she flings herself against our side of the fence so she can get to their yard and show them who’s boss.

Which is when Bubba starts barking, in case anyone is under the impression that he, too, is food. And I start screaming all the curse words I know.

It’s great fun.

At first I tried to handle this with maturity, I really did. We started putting Sassy on a long lead when we were outside so she couldn’t get too close to the fence and I changed the landscaping...I even, acting on the theory that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, took over a whole bunch of lilies from my yard that D has admired for years and helped her plant them along the fence line on her side in order to keep the dogs back.

Unfortunately, none of that really worked. And one day last summer, as I was out in the yard by myself, the horrible dogs came running up to the fence, crashed into it as usual....and then I looked down and noticed half a muzzle working its way into our yard.

Because, unbeknownst to anyone, they had started digging under the fence like some Chapo-inspired murderous dog-eating-dog tunnelers, intent on devouring my baby.

We should all probably take a minute and feel really sorry for Opie who was understandably confused and disconcerted when I came storming into the house screaming about honey...and how we were done with honey and how the neighbors could do various things with honey that are definitely obscene and perhaps not all anatomically possible.

“I’m done! Do you hear me!” I shouted. “And I’m done being nice! I’m going over there and I’m letting them know that if those monsters put 1 paw on our property, I will kill them! I mean it, they are DEAD!”

At which time Opie pointed out:

1. We aren’t really well-stocked with the type of weaponry that could take down two dogs of the pit bull persuasion...and he’s right, the only gun we have in this house shoots water.

2. When spiders or other creatures find their way into our house, I often make him take them outside and release them rather than kill them so even if we had a weapon, the odds of me being able to unload into a dog that wasn’t actually attacking, were basically non-existent.

3. Considering the police activity etc. that we’ve witnessed next door and my lack of anything resembling fighting skills, I shouldn’t go confront the neighbors until we could all be certain I wouldn’t start screaming threats I couldn’t possibly back up.

Which, honestly, took about 24 hours. But I finally went over them, talked to them as calmly as I could while pointing out the damage and they’ve tried to keep the dogs in line. It’s been a little better but still miles away from good.

So, why do I even bring this up?

Because someone over there is moving!!!

We’ve seen them loading boxes and furniture, watched the various comings and goings for the last few days and we know SOMEONE is moving. We just don’t know who.

They haven’t had it up for sale, so we assume that EVERYONE isn’t moving but I’m going crazy trying to figure out if we’re finally going to be free of these ferocious Fidos!

D is getting older and has some health issues so she could be moving to a smaller place...but it’s her house and she’s lived there for ages...would she just GIVE it to her granddaughter?

On the other hand,  A&B have been working on the house a ton, spending lots of their own money and putting in lots of labor to fix it up. They’ve put in hardwood floors, redone the bathroom, fixed up the yard...would they just move and leave all that behind?

This has been going on since last Friday and it’s killing me! It’s also killing Opie because I keep texting him at work with fascinating updates about what’s being moved and who’s moving it.

I don’t want to imply that I stand at the window all day, peering into their yard with binoculars like some kind of psycho stalker...but that’s mostly because I don’t need binoculars. I can see the whole yard from the window in our guest room.

Two days ago, the dog house disappeared but not the dogs...are A&B they waiting to take the dogs until they get settled? Are they leaving the dogs with D and she’s decided to let them be indoor dogs so she doesn’t need the dog house?

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Anyway, this is where you all come in. Now that I’ve got my hopes up, I can’t stop thinking about how cool life would be if those dogs lived somewhere else. I don’t want bad things to befall these dogs, I just want them to take their huge, horrible selves somewhere else—preferably someplace where there aren’t small, feisty, mistaken-for-food dogs around.

So, I need you all to take a minute (or more!) tonight to pray or send good thoughts and positive energy that the dogs are finally moving....that we’ll be free of these Horrifying Hounds, these Cursed Canines, these Dastardly Dogs!

If we all focus on it, I know we can make it happen!