The Right Way To Eat A Red Velvet Oreo

Did you all know that Oreo just came out with a new, limited edition flavor: Red Velvet ?

Since Opie absolutely loves red velvet anything, I got him a package the first weekend they were available.

I'm like the Vanna White of Oreos over here

And, as often happens with all things sugar, I immediately loved them more than he did. I mean, he liked them but he didn't have what I consider the appropriate appreciation for their amazing sugary goodness.

Seriously, what is up with my thumb?
It looks deformed.

"They're good," he said. "But they almost have too much stuffing."

Which, honestly, might be the craziest thing he has ever said.  In fact, it might be the craziest thing ANYONE has ever said.  EVER.

Because, yes, they do have more stuffing than your average Oreo:

This was the moment in the photography process
 that I realized I don't have a future in hand modeling.

But the stuffing is clearly THE BEST FREAKING PART OF THE ENTIRE COOKIE. There can never be too much.

And that's when I decided to show him (and, apparently the rest of the world) the RIGHT way to eat an Oreo. Any Oreo, actually, but especially a Red Velvet Oreo.

Step One: Remove the Lid:

Yes, I call the top to the cookie the lid. It's
the  lid covering the  sugary goodness.

"THAT'S the best part," Opie said.  "Not the stuffing."

But, as has already been established, Opie is clearly insane when it comes to Oreos. Plus, he is an amateur. I, on the other hand, am an Oreo-Eating Expert. If Oreo Eating were a sport, I would probably win the World Championship.

Because it's all about the technique.

Step Two: Eat the Lid. Then, carefully fold back the icing on top of itself:

Now my whole hand looks both deformed and wrinkled!
Is this how it always looks?? How come no one ever told me
about my horrible hand problem??!!

This creates a fabulous double-layer of stuffing:

At least I have a good manicure going on.

But--and this is important!--don't dig in yet. The Oreo is better but still doesn't have the appropriate cookie-to-stuffing ratio.

Step Three: Bite off the half moon cookie portion that has no filling on it, leaving yourself a half-moon of cookie with a double layer of stuffing:

Ok, yes, this picture isn't the best but I was
getting impatient. I've never taken this long
to eat an Oreo in my life.

"You are a lunatic," Opie said. "That's way too much filling, you can't even taste the red velvet anymore."

This is why he will always be an amateur when it comes to Oreo eating: he lacks vision.

Step Four: Take a big drink of milk to cleanse your palate and prepare your taste buds for the perfect taste explosion of cream cheese stuffing and hint of cookie crunch.

Pretty sure "hand-modeling" isn't the only modeling
 I can eliminate as a career choice.

And that, my friends, is the right way to eat an Oreo.

Now I'm just waiting for this blog to go viral, catching the attention of the Oreo magnates, so I can finally embark on my career as a professional Oreo Eater.